Auto-Blow Yourself


Ah, the early days of a fledgling relationship. You are so into her, learning all about each other. You look forward to seeing each other and miss one another when you’re apart. You sent romantic texts and snuggle on the couch watching movies. She is always on your mind and you get a nice warm feeling just thinking about her. All of these things are what’s wonderful about the early days of a relationship. These, and blowjobs.

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The Rise of Lube

It’s not often that I develop a theory on anything, let alone one that I think is pretty solid, but I’m proud of this one because I think it’s right on the money. It goes like this:

I’ve noticed that in the last several years, there has been a Lube Explosion. It occurred to me: “Jeez, look at all the different brands of lube all of a sudden!” Not too long ago, you had KY and Astroglide and that’s it. Otherwise you’d maybe use Vaseline if you were discount.

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SexFit – A New Sex Toy

How many times has this happened to you: you’re having sex with a woman, and as you are pounding away several thoughts cross your mind, such as “Gee, I wonder how many calories I am burning with all this fucking.”, and “I wonder how many times I’ve thrusted my dick into her just now.”, and “Man, I wish I could have an accurate tally of both so I could share the results with all my friends and family on social media.” If this sounds like you, good news.

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This week, pretty pirate and effervescent elf Orlando Bloom lived out the dream of anyone with any sense by throwing a punch at celebrated shithead Justin Bieber. Surprisingly, the reason was not for Bieber’s crimes against humanity’s ears, but…*gasp*…because of a woman. An incredibly hot woman, as it turns out: the lovely, talented and lovely (can’t over emphasize her lovliness) Miranda Kerr.

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