Maybe she is your steady girlfriend. Or perhaps she is your wife. She is the love of your life, your soulmate. You’ve had a long and steady relationship and you think you know all that there is to know about her.
Over the weekend, the internet basically caught fire with news that the personal cloud storage space of certain sexy celebrities such as Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton had been hacked. This celeb leak just so happened to be of the full-on nude variety.
These days, we tend to forget how lucky we are to be able to film ourselves having sex. Just imagine what it must have been like in the old days, before the convenience of home video recording systems. Couples used to have to draw pictures of themselves fucking and look at them together later.
Ah, the early days of a fledgling relationship. You are so into her, learning all about each other. You look forward to seeing each other and miss one another when you’re apart. You sent romantic texts and snuggle on the couch watching movies. She is always on your mind and you get a nice warm feeling just thinking about her. All of these things are what’s wonderful about the early days of a relationship. These, and blowjobs.
It’s not often that I develop a theory on anything, let alone one that I think is pretty solid, but I’m proud of this one because I think it’s right on the money. It goes like this:
I’ve noticed that in the last several years, there has been a Lube Explosion. It occurred to me: “Jeez, look at all the different brands of lube all of a sudden!” Not too long ago, you had KY and Astroglide and that’s it. Otherwise you’d maybe use Vaseline if you were discount.
Remember the fitness craze of the 80’s?
No, of course you don’t. You’re too young. Trust me though, there was a fitness craze and everyone was doing aerobics and jazzercizing and jogging and generally doing anything they could to make themselves look fit and trim.
We’re still in the thick of summer and there’s plenty of time and warm weather left to appreciate the fine summer fashions of some of the lovely ladies walking around.
Turtle: a reptile known for its hard shell, slow movement and gentle demeanour.
Fox: a raven-haired, wicked female with a sexy figure and a naughty-girl persona.
“The Flintbones”. “Edward Penishands”. “Pulp Friction”. These are just but a few examples of entries in the very popular subgenre of porn called Porn Parodies.
It happens even in the best relationships. Out of nowhere, you suddenly find yourself in a rut, going days or even weeks with unsatisfying or even non-existent sex. I don’t have any official statistical data to go by, but in cases like these I would estimate that in the majority of cases, it’s the female in the couple that is the one most often not in the mood.