The Rise of Lube

It’s not often that I develop a theory on anything, let alone one that I think is pretty solid, but I’m proud of this one because I think it’s right on the money. It goes like this:

I’ve noticed that in the last several years, there has been a Lube Explosion. It occurred to me: “Jeez, look at all the different brands of lube all of a sudden!” Not too long ago, you had KY and Astroglide and that’s it. Otherwise you’d maybe use Vaseline if you were discount.

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SexFit – A New Sex Toy

How many times has this happened to you: you’re having sex with a woman, and as you are pounding away several thoughts cross your mind, such as “Gee, I wonder how many calories I am burning with all this fucking.”, and “I wonder how many times I’ve thrusted my dick into her just now.”, and “Man, I wish I could have an accurate tally of both so I could share the results with all my friends and family on social media.” If this sounds like you, good news.

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This week, pretty pirate and effervescent elf Orlando Bloom lived out the dream of anyone with any sense by throwing a punch at celebrated shithead Justin Bieber. Surprisingly, the reason was not for Bieber’s crimes against humanity’s ears, but…*gasp*…because of a woman. An incredibly hot woman, as it turns out: the lovely, talented and lovely (can’t over emphasize her lovliness) Miranda Kerr.

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