How many times has this happened to you: you’re having sex with a woman, and as you are pounding away several thoughts cross your mind, such as “Gee, I wonder how many calories I am burning with all this fucking.”, and “I wonder how many times I’ve thrusted my dick into her just now.”, and “Man, I wish I could have an accurate tally of both so I could share the results with all my friends and family on social media.” If this sounds like you, good news.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a nice pair of big boobs too. No no, I LOVE them. And for that matter, I love all boobs. What’s not to love? But I consider myself proudly and wholeheartedly pro-small boob. It’s just my preference. And I am a little tired of big tits getting all the attention. It’s time to spread some small boobs love.
This week, pretty pirate and effervescent elf Orlando Bloom lived out the dream of anyone with any sense by throwing a punch at celebrated shithead Justin Bieber. Surprisingly, the reason was not for Bieber’s crimes against humanity’s ears, but…*gasp*…because of a woman. An incredibly hot woman, as it turns out: the lovely, talented and lovely (can’t over emphasize her lovliness) Miranda Kerr.
Have you ever been playing Candy Crush on the subway with your brand spanking new iPad and thought to yourself: “instead of playing Candy Crush like some kind of sucker, I should be trying to unlock the full potential of my iPad. I should be figuring out a way to stick a dick in my iPad.”
Just when she seems to be slowly fading away into obscurity, Emily Ratajkowski comes roaring back with another sexy photo shoot, re-ingraining her in the collective consciousness of people who like to look at pictures of extremely attractive women wearing bikinis.
It’s pretty crazy how attractive can attain fame based solely on their Instagram profile, but that’s a reality of the always-connected phone based world in which we currently live.
I love Charlize Theron, but y’all know by now how I feel about Terry Richardson, so I’m not going to delve into all of that again and continue to slag on that piece of shit. But he is a piece of shit, FYI. If you want to read me ranting about what a POS he is, which I’m sure you don’t, be sure to check out a recent post I did on another one of his photo shoots with Rita Ora.
You probably recognize Vanessa Paradis’ name – she was married to Johnny Depp for years, and they have two kids together. On top of that, she’s a fairly well-known singer, model and sometimes-actress.
As print media continues to slowly fade into obscurity, adult magazines such as Playboy and Penthouse are struggling to tread water and to stay relevant in our digitized age.
I’m not exactly worried about the fate of Playboy – the magazine and the brand are enough of an American institution that they will manage to stick around in some form or another. Whether Playboy eventually embraces a fully digitized model remains to be seen, but I wouldn’t be surprised.